The Marauders Find a Fairytale Book
by chrisspiration
Summary: What would happen if the marauders found a fairytale book? What if they altered it? What if...they got into it? Oneshot. Slight LilyJames.


_**The Marauders find a **__Fairytale__** Book**_

"What's that?" inquired James, peeking over Remus' shoulder. Remus frowned and showed him the heavy leather-coated book.

"I think it's a collection of muggle children stories," he muttered, as James opened the cover and started reading the contents list.

"Snow White, Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel…what do muggles read these days?" James exclaimed, tossing the book on the couch. Peter suddenly stood up from the couch were he was sitting and walked over.

"Muggle stories? Where'd you get this, Moony?" he asked, quite confused. Remus leaned back on the couch.

"I found it. Right here, actually," he replied. Sirius put his quill down, muttered something about 'doing it tomorrow' and leaned over James, picking up the storybook.

"Let's read it!" he said excitedly, propping it up on his lap. Remus looked around the empty common room uncertainly. James and Peter sat down on the rug at Sirius' feet, looking up expectantly at their friend. Remus sighed and slipped off the couch to join his friends as well. Sirius, looking extremely pleased with himself, opened it to the first few pages and read,

"Little Red Riding Hood,"

James snorted. "Nice name. Sounds kinky,"

Sirius glared at him and continued,

"_In a great wide forest, full of beautiful trees, and green glades, and thorny thickets, there lived a long time ago a wood-cutter and his wife, who had only one child, a little girl. She was so pretty, and so good, that the sun seemed to shine more brightly when its light fell upon her rosy little face, and the birds would seem to sing more sweetly when she was passing by."_

"IT'S LILY!" cried James, knocking Peter over as he jumped a little. Sirius slapped him playfully.

"No Prongs, believe it or not. Lily isn't the only pretty girl around," he replied. "Now if you would be so kind as to let me continue…"

"_Her real name was Maisie; but the neighbors round about all called her "Little Red Riding-Hood," because of a scarlet riding-hood and cloak that her kind old grandmother had made for her, and which she nearly always wore."_

"What if she got it dirty or something? Would she still wear it? That's nasty," pointed out Remus. Peter shrugged.

"That's alright. I do that sometimes," he said indifferently. Remus scooted closer to James.

"_She was a happy, merry little child, with a smile and a gentle word for everybody, and so you may easily believe that everybody loved her, and was glad to catch a glimpse of her golden curls and her scarlet cloak as she tripped along, singing, under the green boughs."_

"She sounds like a Mary-Sue," interrupted Remus again. James looked at him as if he were nuts.

"Mary who?" he asked. Remus rolled his eyes. "It's a muggle term for perfect characters in stories,"

Sirius sighed pointedly and Remus shut up.

"_Well, as I was saying, Little Red Riding-Hood lived with her parents in a little white cottage with a green door and a thatched roof, and red and white roses climbing all over the walls, and even putting their pretty heads in at the latticed windows, to peep at the child who was so like them."_

"And that's not stalkerish at all…" muttered James.

"_It was on a bright spring morning early in May, when little Red Riding-Hood had just finished putting away the breakfast-cups, that her mother came bustling in from the dairy._

_"Here's a to-do," she said. "Farmer Hodge has this very minute told me that he hears your Granny isn't quite well, and I can't leave the cheese-making this morning for love or money! Do you go, my dear, and find out how she is and stay - take her this little pot of sweet fresh butter, and these two new-laid eggs, and these nice tasty little pastries. Maybe they'll tempt her to eat a bit. Here's your basket, and don't be too long away, honey."_

"They're drugging the grandma!" gasped Peter. James elbowed him in the ribs.

"_So little Red Riding-Hood pulled her hood over her curls, and set off down the sunny green slope, with her basket in her hand, at a brisk pace. But as she got deeper into the forest, she walked more slowly. Everything was so beautiful; the great trees waved their huge arms over her, the birds were calling to one another from the thorns all white with blossom, and the child began singing as she went, she could not have told why, but I think it was because the beautiful world made her feel glad."_

"How much do you want to bet that some crazed beast is going to pop up and eat her?" whispered James to Peter. Sirius cleared his throat.

"_The path wound along through the trees, and, as it grew wider after turning a corner, Red Riding-Hood saw that she was likely to have company on her walk; for, where two cross-paths divided, there sat a big gray Wolf licking his long paws, and looking sharply about him. And "Good morning, Red Riding-Hood," said he."_

"Close enough,"

_"Good morning, Mr. Wolf," she answered._

_"And where may you be going, sweet lass?" said the Wolf, as he walked beside her._

"Why doesn't that line work when _I_use it on Lily?" James sighed wistfully. Sirius stepped on his hand.

"Can you keep your big fat trap shut?" he snapped.

_"Oh, Granny isn't very well, and mother cannot leave the cheese-making this morning, and so I'm taking her some little dainties in my basket, and I am to see how she is, and tell mother when I get back," said the child, with a smile._

_"And," said the Wolf, "where does your Granny live, little lady?"_

_"Through the copse, and down the hollow, and over the bridge, and three meadows after the mill."_

"Wow. She told him? What a noob," said Remus, rolling his eyes.

_"Does she indeed?" cried he. "Why, then, I do believe she is a very dear old friend of mine, whom I have not seen for years and years. Now, I'll tell you what we'll do, you and I: I will go by this way, and you shall take that, and whoever gets there first shall be the winner of the game."_

_So the Wolf trotted off one way, and Red Riding-Hood went the other; and I am sorry to say that she lingered and loitered more than she ought to have done on the road._

"And this is pissing me off! What an idiotic girl, goddamit!" cried Sirius, tossing the book aside in exasperation. James started laughing while Remus merely rolled his eyes and picked it up again.

"Why don't you try to make her smart then," he replied, smiling. Sirius grinned and leaned back on the couch.

"Alright then," He picked up his wand and waved it around, muttering complicated spells, and as he did, the words in the book began changing. Peter watched, intrigued by the process, while Remus watched amusedly. When he was done, Sirius picked it up triumphantly.

"Done!" he exclaimed. Remus snatched the book from him.

"Let me see,"

"_Once upon a time, there was a very smart and sexy young girl whose name was Lily Red Riding Hood,"_

"HEY!-"

"Shut it Prongs,"

"_She lived in a huge mansion at the top of a hill with her parents. One day, her mother told Lily Red Riding Hood that she had to go… pole dancing at her grandma's…strip club. So Lily got into red… lingerie and started skipping towards the club. On the way, she met a handsome young man called Sirius. He then-"_

Remus stopped abruptly, his eyes wide, and rounded on Sirius.

"Padfoot! This is a _children's_ book! CHILDREN'S!" he exclaimed, smacking him on the head with the heavy leathered book. "And the girl isn't even smart!"

Sirius cringed and raised his hands in mock defeat.

"It's much more interesting. OK?" he defended himself. James muttered something about 'not wanting to know' and Remus closed the book. James then stole it from him.

"This is boring. Why don't we do something exciting?" he proposed. Peter then started jumping on the spot so much that it was surprising he didn't need to pee.

"Yes, Pete?"

"We could go _INTO_ the book! And live the adventure! Maybe even go to Candy Mountain!" he shouted, his eyes blazing now. Everything seemed to go quiet, except for Peter's shallow breathing.

"…alright then," mumbled Remus, backing off a little more. Sirius seemed to be deep in thought.

"You know, actually, we could find a way to go into the story, that's a pretty good idea Wormy," he said, grinning mischievously. James smiled as well.

"I know a spell…" he said, then waved his wand and a bright light erupted from the center of the book, expanding in seconds. The marauders stared at it, amazed. James jumped on the couch and yelled,

"Wheee!" before jumping into the light, dissolving into the book. Sirius followed, grinning as Remus stared at them disapprovingly. Peter suddenly sneaked up behind him and pushed him inside as well, not before receiving a death glare from his victim, and then he jumped in behind his three friends.

"Whoa," was the first thing that came out of Sirius' mouth when he landed. They were standing in the middle of the woods; the sun was shinning down on them and above them, the light from which they had come from suddenly ceased.

"…"

"You_do_ know the way back don't you?" asked Remus, mentally crossing his fingers. James shuffled his feet nervously.

"Yeah…about that…" he mumbled quietly, flushing. Remus threw his hands up in defeat.

"Are you KIDDING me?" he cried. Suddenly, there were clip clops. Everybody stopped speaking as the clip clops got closer.

"I think it's a horse…" whispered Peter. Remus frowned.

"But there were no horses in the story" he whispered back thoughtfully, as the four of them watched interestedly in the direction of the noise. As the source of the noise approached, four jaws dropped. Lily Evans, wearing nothing but pasties and scarlet, lace lingerie. Her auburn hair was curled until it barely reached her shoulders, red stilettos clip clopped as she skipped towards them, smiling radiantly.

"Hello there, boys," she said suavely. "May I ask what brings you here?"

Remus, being the quickest to recover and blushing like crazy, leaned over to Sirius.

"I think we forgot to change your version of the story before going into it," he said hoarsely. Sirius, his eyes bulging, nodded and then strutted over to Lily. She swooned under him and was about to kiss him when Sirius was knocked over to the side.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" yelled James, also red in the face, both from embarrassment and anger. Lily Red Riding Hood, looking merely surprised, glanced at Sirius on the floor and then turned her attention to James.

"That was so noble," she cooed, running her hands up his arms. James tensed and backed off, muttering under his breath.

"This isn't Lily, I only like Lily, and this isn't the real Lily,"

Suddenly, a black wolf popped out of the bushes and growled at them. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Why do wolves always have to be the bad guys?" he complained, staring at the attacking beast. Sirius had made sure this one was wild, as the animal pounced towards Lily and tackled her to the ground. It was about to strike when it was lifted up into the air by strong antlers. Sirius, who had recovered from the blow, stood up and transformed into his animagus form as well. Barking, he lunged towards the now fighting wolf and stag and dug his teeth into the wolf's side.

Lily stood off to the side, her hand to her mouth, and watching the boys struggle with the beast. She took off her stilettos, as to be able to run better, but then tripped and fell. As James was sent off flying with a kick from the wolf, Remus thought quickly and jumped on the wolf's back, throwing back the wolf's head and snapping its jaw shut.

"Quick! Do something!" he shouted to Lily, as he restrained the wolf from attacking Sirius. The girl, looking very scared, ran over to James, who was back to his human state and bleeding badly on the neck, and leaned down, placing her lips to the wound and kissing him down to his shoulders. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Padfoot, don't EVER consider literature again," he groaned. Sirius barked in response and started running up the path, the wolf followed, with Remus still on its back. The wild chase continued until the trio was facing a tall, modern building, quite out of place in its forest-like surroundings with flashing neon lights that spelled out,

'Granny's Strip Club'

Sirius stopped abruptly and gazed up at the building, then grinned[or got as close to grinning as he could, considering he was still a dog and trotted into the building, the wolf and Remus at his heels. Suddenly, Remus screamed out bloody murder and jumped off the wolf's back, racing to the safe woods outside again with his eyes shut tight and not stopping until he was back at James' side. He then opened his eyes wearily. James was in full make out session with Lily Red Riding Hood. Remus, with his hand in front of his eyes as to block his vision, slapped James' cheek.

"SHE'S A FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU MORON!" he shouted, then turned around. Lily, looking very offended, ran off in the direction of the Granny's Strip Club. Peter was sitting down beside a bunch of multicolored flowers, and appeared to be getting high on them. Remus was about to scream at him too when there was a howl heard from over the hill. James abruptly stood up and ran as fast as he could to where it was coming from.

"SIRIUS!" he cried, looking for his friend. He stopped when he reached the doors of the strip club and gulped. Then he took a deep breath and walked in. Taking care not to look around, James made his way into one of the rooms. It was full of pole dancers. Disgusted, he entered the second room and exited in the blink of an eye.

"Sirius?" he called, his eyes shut now as he knocked before entering the third room. He placed his ear close to the door and listened closely.

_"Come and lie down on my bed, dearie,"_

There was some rustling.

_"Oh!" said a small, slurring voice. "What muscled arms you have, Granny!"_

_"All the better to hug you with,"_

_"And what a great, toned chest you have, Granny!"_

_"All the better to support you with, my little dear."_

_"And your eyes, Granny; what piercing grey eyes you have!"_

_"All the better to see you with, my pet," _James could almost hear the grin in his voice and he slammed the door open. There was Sirius, in a white skirt, slippers and glasses, but otherwise lying down on his bare back on a bed, with Lily Red Riding Hood kneeling over him. James' eyes widened, and he put an expression of utter disturbance.

"You were trying to seduce your grandma?" he asked the girl, raising his eyebrows. He had convinced himself she wasn't the real Lily, not even if she looked exactly like her. And leaving her in utter surprise, he walked out of the room.

When he reached the place in the woods where they had arrived, he found the queerest sight waiting for him. Peter was standing, or trying to anyways, in the red stilettos that Lily had dropped, and was doing a weird sideways walk sort of thing, while Remus supported his balance from the back.

"What on _earth_ are you two doing?" he asked them indignantly. Remus turned around, which caused Peter to fall to the ground, high heels and all. He grinned sheepishly.

"Finding a way back home. You use those red shoes and click them on the heels thrice and then they take you back home!" he exclaimed proudly. James frowned but then his expression turned radiant.

"Nice thinking, Moony!" he shouted, then snatched the heels off Peter and put them on himself. He then clicked them twice, not even wobbling on the spot. Remus raised an eyebrow.

"And why do you look so comfortable in those?" he asked slyly. James made a rude hand gesture and clicked them a third time. There was a whirring sound and the light in the sky appeared again. Peter was sucked into it like a vacuum cleaner sucks dust. Remus was slowly rising from the ground while James was rooted to it. There was a yell and Sirius flew towards them, still half-naked and clutching sheets.

"I WON'T FORGET YOU LILY!" he cried as he too was sucked into the white light. Remus flew in after him, and only when the three of them were back, did James finally lift from the ground and enter the light as well. There was a flash and the light disappeared.

Three teenagers flopped onto the common room couches. Remus, standing up, quickly picked up the book and changed it back to its normal state.

"Next time, let's make sure Padfoot didn't alter anything before going anywhere," he said, panting. Sirius scowled at him. Remus then looked up.

"James!" he called out skeptically. James rounded in the middle of going up the stairs to their dorm as if caught in the act.

"What?" he replied, using his most innocent voice. Remus crossed his arms over his chest.

"Why were you sneaking up the stilettos?"


End file.
